“Writer’s block is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.” says Wikipedia. Considering the fact that I trust it more than my good old Dad, I can rightly say I’m afflicted with the ‘disease’. Wikipedia goes on to say: “Writer’s block can be closely related to depression and anxiety, two mood disorders that reflect environmentally caused or spontaneous changes in the brain’s frontal lobe. This is in contrast to hypergraphia, more closely linked to mania, in which the changes occur primarily in the temporal lobe.” Yeah. That, precisely is the reason behind the scanty amount of posts in my blog.
Ah. Does that mean I’m depressed?? At the moment I’m not, but broadly speaking… Yeah, I am. Have intense problems at home. Fights with parents are so common that it’s almost part of the routine to have one on a daily basis. My dad, being the quintessential, hot-tempered professional ‘relieves’ all his office-tension on to me. Which means, my vocabulary of the choiciest swear words (in English & Malayalam alike. My dad is a learned man!) has quadrapled! Being an absent-minded person of sorts, I’m an easy prey to my perfectionist-dad’s abuses, who feels it’s sacrilege if the TV remote isn’t placed ‘on its place’ after usage among other things!! I found this rather weird passion for perfectionism baffling, considering the fact that his own room is the messiest I’ve ever seen. (And I regularly get scolded for not keeping my room ‘arranged’!)
My mom’s not bad either. Thankfully, she’s not as perfectionist as my Dad. However she’s pretty anxious about my academics. Can’t blame her. The University Engineering Rank holder she is, she expects me to tow along the same lines. So, the only word I hear from my mom when I reach home is “study!”. Nothing else. She apparently feels that my creative pursuits hinder academics, and asks me to cut down on my ‘extra-curricular reading’. Her objection on me taking a British Library membership was so vociferous that I had to consult a good-hearted cousin of mine, who lovably doled out the money to help me in my endavour. (Love you sis!!)
What I’ve just mentioned is merely the tip of the iceberg. I’ve got literally zillions and zillions of problems plaguing me. But these days, I choose not to think of them. For, ignorance is bliss. The more I think, the more I tend to go nuts. These days, I can hardly read anything. I can’t stay focussed. I can’t just sit down, close my eyes & meditate. Even the Yoga lessons that my grandfather had painstakingly taught me years back seem to have failed me. I’m helpless…
Pessimism, I know is no plausible option for me. Hence I choose not to think of my problems. I try to look ahead & move forward. Like the phoenix that rose from its ashes, someday, I’ll have my day of redemption. I’m waiting for it to come.
Oops! The guy @ British Library just gave me a pat on the back telling: “Basically, we don’t permit blogging, emailing & stuff. So please clear out!!”
Aaaaaargh! Where else am I supposed to go when I don’t even have a solid ten-rupee note to browse for half-an-hour in an internet cafe’ and I have STRICT PC usage restrictions at home??
Signing off for the moment. Will be back soon. Adios!!