Survival of the ‘fittest’

Dramatis Personae:
Dad: My dad
Mom: My mom
Mr R: A blood sucking monster of a man. Dad’s colleague at office.
K: My cousin: a successful, globetrotting techie. Also one of my best friends in the family.
Yours Truly: Duh!

Scene I – SP Fort Hospital: Room 305

[The room is impeccably designed in light hues. There is a semblance of calm all around; a placid sensation accentuated by the air conditioned atmosphere. The muted voices from the LCD TV intermittently disrupt the artificial silence. Yours’ truly, a late-teen accident victim, is propped on the bed, paranoid, fearfully counting the hours left until his surgery due the very next day. The parents’ faces show a resigned expression; the dad idly glancing through newspapers as the mom gazes unblinkingly at a run-of-the-mill singing reality show.]

Enter Mr R. Mr. R is dad’s colleague at work, whose rock-scratching voice, coupled with the ‘thud’ of the door disrupts the ‘silence’.

Mr. R: “Good evening!”
Dad: (suitably donning a ‘welcome’ expression) “Good evening, R! We didn’t expect you to turn up so fast when you called up half an hour ago!”
Mr. R: “Ah, I intended to start from home sometime back, but my daughter insisted on dropping her to tuition; which actually made me late.” (The eagerness in his voice did nothing to hide the blatant lie.)
Dad: “Oh, I see… Which subject? Your daughter’s trade is Electronics & Communication, if I’m not wrong…”
Mr. R: “Exactly. It’s this paper called ‘Solid State Devices’. She finds it pretty tough.” (Turning his face at me) “So, how’s the champ doing? Badly fractured, eh? How much did you score for your exams?”
Me: (getting up from bed feigning ‘respect’) “Em… Uncle, I don’t know my scores, for, they won’t publish your scores if you fail for your exams… I have three back papers.”

(R now assumes a condescending, triumphant expression in his face, badly disfigured by Mother Nature. His moment of redemption has apparently arrived earlier than he had expected.)

Mr. R: “Omigod! That’s pathetic! Obnoxious!! Three back papers and that too for the first year? This is totally unacceptable! Evidently, you’ve been wasting your time all through. If you’d focussed your energies on your studies, you’d surely have done well!”

(R’s face progressively contorts as he speaks, revealing the vaguest grin between his intensely parched lips.)

Mom: “You’re right, Mr. R. My son wouldn’t study a word, neither at college, or at home. You should see his attitude. He’d do anything, but study. And he’s madly addicted to the computer, television and novels.” (Mom’s voice quivers as she speaks)

(Yours’ truly hangs his head in embarrassment. His feeble ego has been terribly wounded. His dad nods his head in accord.)

Mr. R: “Hmm… he could very well learn from my daughter. You see, she had the seventh rank in the higher secondary examinations and scored a neat 1500 rank for the entrance. And she did this all through sheer hard work. She’s really intelligent too… Not many of her classmates at SCT College of Engineering have marks close to her whopping 84%!”
Me: “Did you say Eighty Four? That’s a very good percentage! Wow!”
Mr. R: “Hmm… you know what your problem is, son? You simply were whiling your time away… See, your college is a government college and you simply had all opportunities to go wayward. And I guess you were utilizing it to the fullest extent. Just check out his sessionals, Ramesh (my dad). Also, go meet his teachers too… I seriously doubt he’s into bad company. Who knows, this accident could be result of a drunken brawl or something! You can’t trust kids. Why don’t you confiscate his bike? Or rather, why did you buy him a bike, first of all…?”

(The expression on R’s face brightens as his face contorts further. Meanwhile the ‘accused’ turns beetroot red. Mr Accused has to but listen to R unquestioningly and silently, thanks to his fait accompli)

Dad: (without a tinge of embarrassment in his face, but scowling at his son): “I too have my doubts, R. But the accident wasn’t a result of a brawl or something, for sure.” *laughs* “The bike’s my wife’s brother’s. He took it to college that day citing some lab exam or something. I still don’t take that alibi and my illustrious son still sticks to it. God alone knows why. The accident happened in front of my office. And the eye witnesses’ version matches his. So, I don’t think it’s a lie. Still it’s goanna burn a lot of dough, I’m sure!”(and it did. Fifty thousand bucks vanished into thin air!)
Mr. R: “Good… anyway, you should see boys these days. They’re so indolent! My daughter speaks of all the strikes even conducted by first years in the college. When I was a first year at CET, I was totally immersed into studies. We wouldn’t even walk about the corridors for fear of getting ragged. But I guess your son hasn’t suffered much ragging. Perhaps, that’s a reason why he flunked SO miserably. My daughter used to study for hours everyday at home. And today, she’s reaping the benefits of her effort.”
Dad: “You’re right. I hear people say that my son has a ‘blog’ or something. I don’t know what it really is, but that’s some kind of website where people write stuff. They say he writes well and all. I think he’s wasting his time over there. I’m going to cut his internet connection as soon as we get back home.” (He’s really angry!)
Mr. R: “Oh, if your son had put his writing skills to good use, he would have done better.”
Me: (all let down, morose and depressed) “Uh, dad… I think I need to go to the toilet. Could you please help? I can’t actually lift my left hand, remember?”
Mr. R: (turning to me) “Ah, I see you’re intelligent, too… That was a quick excuse! You can’t avoid the truth by escaping from it son. You’re doomed. Your life’s done for. You can’t get into a good
company with your appalling GPA! Why are you doing this? Why are you killing your parents’ expectations? Look, my daughter…”


R’s monologue is interrupted by a rap on the door. Dad opens it.

Enter K

Me: (visibly relieved) “Hey bro…”
K: “Dude… Gawd, you’re a mess! Sorry for being late, I was totally screwed up by work. Hey, you feeling good now? You look kinda depressed.”*smiles* “Hi uncle!”
Mr. R: (visibly disturbed at having his monologue interrupted) “Uh, I have to go pick my daughter from tuitions. See you later. And son, remember my words. Bye.”
Dad: “Bye R! Thanks for turning up and enlightening our wayward son… See you too”

Exeunt R.

I guess I need say no more to describe what a totally unfeeling, narcissistic, pain-in-the-a$$ _______ Mr R is… There I am, all depressed and let down due to my accident and here he comes driving the stake deeper into my chest! My parents seemingly agreed with him, and that made things worse! Otherwise I might’ve slept over the whole issue. I’m not resorting to hyperbole as always when I say that even food lost taste for a whole week. The pain induced by his words was so severe. The pangs of depression dug into every living cell of mine, plaguing every brain cell of mine. Now you wonder why I just replayed such an old scene before you… Guess what, I ran into the same guy the other day! Just my stroke of luck, but he elaborated further on how his dumba$$ bookworm daughter managed to push her GPA to 8.7 by improving ‘Engineering Graphics’!! Had it not been for my Yoga lessons, I would have showed him the finger and crushed his bloody balls to pulp that very moment. I yearn for revenge. Every single living moment, I crave for his and his bitch’s blood!

Then I realized, there was a way I could extract sweet revenge. I could beat her in the upcoming exams by a world of a percentage! True, I’m a slacker but I guess studying full-throttle might just need as much effort as toggling a JK flip flop! (See, I’m learning stuff!) I now have a meaning to my life; I have reason to work, a quarter-life-crisis to survive, and an IIM to join!

R and your f*#!ing daughter, beware!! I’ll make your life living hell! There will be blood, gallons of it! Period.

[Update: Dad just read this post. He apparently googled my name and landed here. I caught him laughing out loud uproariously! Had I not caught his laptop in time, he’d have dropped it! Strangely, he agrees with me now on what a big a$$hole Mr R is… . :|]

By hari

A twenty-something support engineer, web developer, blogger and journalist who makes the web a better place for a living, at Automattic. Immensely passionate about WordPress! Also loves books, music, movies, and drinking hot cups of coffee on rainy evenings. Dreams of writing a book, someday.


  1. Ppl like Mr R shd be burned @ the stake. Totally agree when u feel that u shd be a alone sucking vampire for one day and have his blood. On a different note about his daughter, i’d say that u needn’t worry. All she’s gonna do with the 8+ gpa is be some average guy’s (like me) wife n cook n provide for him all his life:). Even though i’m NOT a male chauvinist i’m saying this coz i’ve seen many such gals in my batch from college already going that way, no matter what kinda grades they had or what all ambitions they had, when their dad’s put the topic of marriage in front of them, very few happen to have a different opinion. Thanks to female activism for all this 🙂

  2. lol…
    mr r’s daughter is kinda like my cousin… stirred up some memories there… she used to study all day and my grandmother would tell me to replicate… but i guess i showed them all in the end 😉
    and i guess a blog is wayy more precious than the odd suppli 😀

  3. @ sriram:
    Thanks buddy… I’m sure goanna do that. Already started my preparations.

    @ Abhi:
    I concur, bro!! I too had a same feeling about the daughter, and for a while, I *actually* had dreams of marrying her and then subjecting her to a lifetime of servitude & domestic violence, but turns out she isn’t my ‘type’ (in every sense of the word). Female activists are always bloviating banshees! They always end up making things worse!

    @ KC:
    Dude, I think you’ve told me about this long back… But yeah, your bookworm cousin is no match to your intellect! 🙂 Way to go, buddy!

  4. I know the situation
    but i cant relate to how u feel
    u know me.. i dont give a flying finger….
    ennodu angane vallorum paranja njan veetinu erangi pokan parayum
    paranjitundu 🙂

    cheers.. good post

  5. brother…read thru Mr. Rs way out of advices…well dnt mind all that… having supplies isn’t dat bad..but lemme tell ya its not that great also…. u can clear it next time… there are umpteen opportunities provided by the university … clear it the next time… and there is more to add having 84 pc doesn’t mean that the girl has had her life secured… u do a lot of other stuffs… like ieee for eg… these stuffs u do actually will make u a better individual than Mr R’s daughter cos she sees buks and u see the world. !!! JUST BE WHO U ARE get and average or just above average GPA if u can…( above average doenst mean 80+ it means 65+ and 70- i no u can do that ) … take all other stuffs that u do along wid it… and belive me… u can see that u mite end up in the same company as Mr. R’s daughter… !!!so dat will defenitely be a hit on his FACE !!!

  6. @ Krishnan:
    Wow! Great to see your comment in the first place! 🙂 Guess you’ve a point there. I’m sure goanna work double as hard even to reach the 65-70 benchmark!

    Thanks a LOT for the enocouraging words, once again, bro… 🙂

  7. poor girl, y is every 1 been so harsh on her. She just studied and got some marks. Do not think that it deserves capital punishment for it. To be quite frank what the girl does only affects her. It has no impact on you. If she gets 90 or if she gets 0, it wont make any difference to u.
    All u got to do is be honest with ur self and nothing else matters. Many people will tell a lot of things. Your job is to ensure that you take all the positive criticism in the right spirit and neglect the -ve ones.
    stop worrying about what others do in their lives or what other people say. Have a set of principles, follow them, have a dream and pursue it.
    You may or may not succeed, but what the heck its your life, u r responsible. As long as u believe that u have done everything that u could, u should be happy with it

  8. le roi
    😛 Thanks, bud.

    @ ken john:
    😮 Dude, are you an agent of the girl or what??!

    First of all… I meant this as a humorous post; let me clarify that. I have a grudge towards Mr R, yes, but I intend to end that by scoring high the next time. And the grudge is merely because he comes and preaches crap to me and deliberately lets me down when I'm totally screwed, and pissed off… Evidently, my words haven't done the work. If you'd been there & heard what he said, you'd have concurred. My post is just a toned-down and edited version. It wasn't positive criticism, for all the English I've learnt. It was pure onslaught!

    Anyways, I took the dig in the right spirit and by cribbing on my fate, I’m just driving myself to work harder the next time, that’s all…

    And yeah, thanks for such the elaborate comment and constructive criticism. You quite literally blew my heart away! 🙂

  9. @ ken john again:
    Never mind the misquoted proposition. Happens even with me all the time!

    Once again, thanks a bunch for that comment. 😀

  10. naa…i got ur point. But boys in general have a certain “grudge” or disrespect towards girls who score marks:P. My comment was not 4 ur post but for the rest of the comments. We try to defend our low marks by saying stuff like “marks doesnt matter” people who score marks are just book worms, they got no extra activities and so on.
    People who succeed work hard in what ever task they are give, studies or organizing a college fest. I know this is not directly related to ur post but felt like saying it 😛

  11. Really overwhelmed by ur thoughts. A day will come when the whole world will hv sunk in ur thoughts.And, actually hari iam not interested in reading such things, but really my life is written on many of the same pages as your’s. Its Ananya here, do u remember!

  12. @ ken john:
    Well, that’s a hardcore feminist opinion! I too have nothing particular against girls, but, well… sometimes their attitude pisses you off. 🙂
    Still on the whole, I respect women. Period.

    @ anonymous:
    I’m seriously flattered an honored. But essentially, I’ll have to put my thoughts in action to change the world, you see… 😀

    Thanks a lot for the comment & the compliment, Ananya! C'mon, I very well know you!! How can I forget you pf all? 😀 Never thought you’d comment here when I gave you my blog link! Hope this ‘reply’ cleared your ‘doubts’, dear… 🙂

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