An Emotional blackmail

Drunkards seem to be the pick of the week for me! I just keep running into them like hell, and they bug me to the point of near-insanity! After the rather bloviating encounter with this loquaciously-psychic ex-military guy at the train last Saturday, I had a skirmish with this inebriated trio of seniors at college today (13th March, Thursday). It turned out to be a fiasco of epic proportions, at least for my egotist-self. The rendezvous left me terse, depressed, and dejected all through evening. I still haven’t got over the whole damn thing yet, and that’s precisely the reason why I’m blogging about it. (A well-written post is the best stress-buster for a depressed blogger; take it from me!)

Statutory Warning: I’m writing this for myself, not for you, dear reader. So if you’ve come here for a quick flip; better leave. This is goanna be long (and even boring, for that matter). If you’re interested, read on. It won’t be a bad read, after all!

Btw, the readers are expected to ‘read between the lines’ (you’ll know what I mean soon)

I wasn’t exactly on the top of the world after my Electronic Circuits lab exam (University, no less!) that fateful day. Bad moods coupled with non-conditional CRO-probes made my easy question a tough nut to crack; the decent viva performance and partial output being my saving grace. A disheartening lunch with motley classmates actually added on to my appetite. Calling it a long day, I was heading home when my classmate who’d given me company remembered that he’d forgotten a book at the canteen. When he rushed back to get it, I offered to hold his heavy, 10-kilo bag (a decision I’ll regret later); waiting for him at the main entrance of my college.

I then notice two final-year seniors (self proclaimed ‘Royal Mexx’) trudge towards me arm-in-arm, shoulder-by-shoulder. Since I’m in talking terms with them, I wave a ‘Hi’, and smile. One’s ‘S’ and the other’s ‘A’.
A: Handsome guy. Cool dude with a penchant for smart tees. “I-rule-this-college” attitude.
S: Not as ‘qualified’ as his arm-mate. Duffer of sorts. Succinctly put, a pain-in-the-a$$ guy with braces in his ill-formed teeth. His attitude’s worse than A.
The inherent sway in their motion plus that obnoxious smell which permeated as they drew close enlightened me. The dudes are drunk!

S: “Enthuvaada, nee bag kachavadam thudaniyo? Ithentha kayyil randu bag?”
(Dude, why do you have 2 bags with you? Bag-mongering eh?”)
Me: “Aanennu koottikko! Entha chettanu veno?”

(If you say so! Why, you want one?)
S: “Dey, kooduthal moda kaanichal undallo… Nee eathu class il aa?”)
(Hey smartass, stop showing off! Which class are you from?”)
Me: “Ithennodu aaraamthe praavashyaam aanu chettan chodikkunnathu!”
(“You’re asking this to me for the sixth time!”)
S: “Parayeda… nee eathu class il aa?” (S’s ugly face contorts to total disarray)
(Stop blabbering. Which class are you from?”)
Me: “Paranjillengil…?”

(What if I don’t tell you?)
S: “Ninte kaavalam adichu pottikkum!”
(I’ll beat you up!)
Me: “Pinne… kore pottikkum! Kuppi pottikkum! Ho, naareeettu vayya. Onnu maari ninne chetta!”
(Aw c’mon. You better go break your empty whisky bottles! Keep off, the smell’s gross! Yuck!)

I notice S’s expression morph into an inscrutable one. Quite uncharacteristic of him, A is silent all the while. Now, he starts talking.

A: (At s) “Vada namukku povam!” (At me) “Paranjapole ninte perentha?”
(C’mon man, let’s go.) (Btw, what’s your name?)

Me: “Njaan Hari. S4 IT”.

Without a further word, they disappear. I move around, schmoozing with fellow-GECians, when my friend runs to me with the book. We ride pillion in another friend’s Activa. He drops me at Law College Junction, from where PMG’s (a busy junction at Trivandrum) just a hundred metres away. As I walk, I get a call from my batch-mate at Mechanical, who asks me to return to college pronto for something urgent. I didn’t quite like the tone of his voice. Why’d he want me back? I’ve never talked to him even once this year. As I walk back half the distance, this guy comes to pick me up in his Karizma! Now, that’s quite odd. Something’s wrong somewhere.

After a quick display of the guy’s biking skills, I reach the college-gate in maybe five seconds. I notice three final years sitting by the steps, faces and expressions stern and tough. Joining S and A was T, a skinny but brainy and capable guy who used to be more friendly with me than the other two. T beckons the guy who brought me to leave, which he does: his face turning as stern, probably a notch more than his seniors. By now, I guessed the issue. I felt my stomach do a back-flip and a pump of adrenaline. Still, I keep a cool head, smiling gracefully at my seniors: asking innocently:

“Entha chettanmaare enne vilichathu?”
(Why did you guys call me?)

Irikkade avide!” (Sit down!), S says, fingers pointed to the step below… It was a command.
“Oh. Ningal irikkumbo njaan nikkaano, bahumaanam okke…”)
(C’mon, I’m not supposed to sit when you’re sittin..)

The smile on my face is still prominent

“Bha! Panna ____ ! Ninnodu irikkaanalle paranjathu!”)
(You bloody M**#$*#@! Didn’t I ask you to sit?)

Here’s where it all happened!

I flinch. The smile
prematurely-died. That was the first time someone verbally abused me, erm, in such ‘strong’ terms. I quietly obeyed.

S: “Ninakkenthaada, seniors ine bahumaanam ille?”
(Don’t you respect seniors?)
Me: “Athinu njaan enthu cheythu?”
(But, what did I do?)
S: “Nee eathu class il aanu?”

(In which class are you?)
Me: “Ithenthonnu?”
(Cut the crap!)
S: “M@#$# ! T@#$#!! Maryaadyakku nee eathu class il aanennu paranjo!)
(You bloody M*********, tell me in which class you are!)

I’m harried. But I go by his words just to please him.

Me: “S4 IT!”
S: “Nee eathu class ila?”
Me (really angry this time): “S4 IT!”
S: “Nee eathu class ila?”
Me: “Mathi! Chetta… over aakalle!! Kudichu ennu paranjondu enthum kaanikkaam ennu thonnaruthu!”

(Enough’s enough! Don’t think you have the license to do anything ‘coz you’re drunk!)

S: “Bha… <long line of beeps. Fill in with the choicest Mallu abuses starting with ‘’, ‘’, ‘പു’, et al..>
K Ithenthu…”
(What the…)

S: “Nirtheda! Ninte moda okke njangal college il ninnum poyittu mathi, kettoda panna ______!”
(Stop you… Keep showing your bloody a$$ off after we pass out! )

T (in a matter-of-factly-tone) : “Eda. Nee seniors ine respect cheyyaan padikkanam. Seniorisnoodu bahumaanathodu perumaaranam!”
(You should learn to respect seniors!)

A torrent of emotions gripped me. It began with a sea of anger, at being verbally abused for no significant reason at the whims of an intoxicated duffer. The fit of ire saw me retort back with vigor, keeping my limits as a junior, nonetheless. Further abuses, added on to my plight; had I not been physically disabled thanks to a surgery, I’d have hit the guy back. Eventually, I realized that it was all a façade I’d made about me. At the end of it all, I lost control over myself, and felt my voice break into sobs; tears strolling down my eyes!

I couldn’t believe it at first. It all happened so involuntarily, even before I could think further. I felt ashamed, but there I stood weeping like a girl, desperately controlling my sobs! My tears softened their blitzkrieg, apparently. T came down to me, held my shoulder, and tried to calm me. I didn’t hear him; I was busy controlling the demons in my mind. He was part-apologizing, part-offering me a juice to drink, part offering me to leave me home. I was sobbing, refusing his offers, desperate to escape home. A minor-crowd gathered around us while I was making an ass out of myself! Meanwhile, A stopped a biker who passed by asking him to leave me to PMG. It was none other than Anoop Chettan(S8 EC), the erstwhile IEEE head of my college; the very person who renewed my membership! (Damn, another ‘impression’ ruined!) After a lot of coaxing and cajoling from his and T’s part, I agreed to ride pillion with him.

In a bid to calm me, perhaps, Anoop chettan changed the topic, incessantly questioned me about the LiNK meeting, and part-congratulated me on me being elected the hub-driver. Overwhelmed by emotions, I managed succinct replies, in a sobbing voice. I got off at Law College junction, thanking him for the lift, and began walking to PMG with a heavy heart, confused mind and a bad mood which hasn’t yet worn itself off…

Apart from large-scale disgrace and humiliation, the fiasco led me to a temporary fit of introspection. Being a boys’ school product, I’ve heard enough abuses all through my life. But, it was the first time I myself was victim to some of such choicest abuses. I evidently over-reacted to the issue. But my reaction wasn’t pre-planned or something. It was just it; a reaction, instinctive and guttural. It was even a discovery of sorts: I had a sensitive side to my character. Though I’d learnt to be stoic at the face of difficulties, I hadn’t quite mastered the art of being immune to them, the art of keeping my head above all the time…

Ah, I can feel my stress bust off like popping balloons. Blogging helps, dude! 🙂

Thanks for reading through the four-page big crap! 😀

By hari

A twenty-something support engineer, web developer, blogger and journalist who makes the web a better place for a living, at Automattic. Immensely passionate about WordPress! Also loves books, music, movies, and drinking hot cups of coffee on rainy evenings. Dreams of writing a book, someday.


  1. Hey Mr emot drained well on readin dis one may feel dat evr ROYALMEXX r lik dis…
    well tellin abt dat all priests r no saints…well tellin nother wrd evry eggs r not rotten…all mex r no saint n dere will b rotten ones amng us…so i may consider as a lon incident , created by the dull labeld opiate..may n aristrocart vodka watevr u call dem dude..leave it dis all ull relish in future…mab wen u pass by de mech point ull see small Mr tunderbld weepin lik a child with S blabberin at him….WELL FRN I INSIST U TO REMOVE THE PHRASE ROYALMEXX frm u r post….well i wud say ROYALMEXX is not n individual it is a community only the able one can b the part of it…IT IS NOT ABT DE LOOKS OR SELF PROCLAMATION BT ITS ALL ABT PERSONALITY N none can proclaim him self to b a ROYAL MEXX unless hes able..WELL…..A TRUE ROYALMEXXIAN WILL NEVER TREAT U LIK DAT….WE DONT DEMAND RESPECT…..
    it will come by itsown well u can see de our cmpus itself….



  2. Whoa. Thanks for the comment, Mr Cool Romeo.

    Though I’m a would-be IT professional, I’ve always respected Royal MexX for your strength, passion and integrity. Most of my best friends today are Mexxians, and from them I’ve had hands-on experiences of what being a Royam Mexxian is all about. But our friend Mr ‘S’, is quite not that. I didn’t label him a ‘Royal Mexxian’, I just said he’s a self-proclaimed one! I don’t think my post, in any means possible, sends out the message that Royal Mexx aren’t royal! If anyone feels so, apologies…

    Thanks once again.

    If any ‘Royal Mexxian’ was offended or enflamed by the contents of this post, my sincere apologies. I have in now way portrayed any person in a bad light (apart from me, of course). If anyone was offended in any manner (mentally,physically,or emotionally), I hereby convey that I intended nothing whatsoever! 🙂

  4. Nice stress buster.U could ve been more careful with seniors.Besides a verbal duel with ppl in inebriated state was a bit fool hardy from ur part.
    Do try to avoid such issues..
    Well written,wasn’t boring as u claimed it to be:D

  5. hi hi….enjoyed it da………nice post….

    * The fit of ire saw me retort back with vigor,” keeping my limits as a junior, nonetheless”….aadyame if u had kept ur limits u wudnt ve had to repent later….

    * “I felt my stomach do a back-flip and a pump of adrenaline.”
    so ur stomach pumps adrenaline……..interestin………

    da…in this world….lookin for or followin positive model guys is a difficult thing………its easier to learn from the negative ones…..take this as a part of ur study……as a first step on how to deal or how to tackle such a situation….u mayb facin similar ones in ur future life… doubt……jus the names change…..the reader cud see ur behaviour graph rapidly changin here….. from oversmart smilin to smart not so happy to dull angry to helpless and mean to a cry baby……u need to stabilize ur charecter a little bit dude…then these problems wudnt ve arisen………twas a bit of an advice… hope u understand….hi hi…i had a similar but not the same experience at our clg canteen…..but nothin happened……twas one D this time…..and conversations went on smoothly…..i sang a song for him…..hi hi…so its neither wid ur pride tat u deal these kind of persons….nor wid memories of ur previous relationship…..but shear tactics…….keep ur cool… ur mouth and put a smile….its said…if ur eyes r sweet…u can see the beauty of this world…..but if ur tounge is sweet…people will start seeing the beauty in u….
    so wat i wanna tell u is keep ur head down….and ur mouth shut and u ll b in top f this world………

    and this has got nothin to do wid ROYAL MEXX….jus bcos u ve criminals in this world , u dont conclude humans are like this…….MEXX r ROYAL….no doubt…..but they r humans……

    considerin ur dialoges in the beginnin….anyone else wud ve thrashed u black and blue…………m not justifyin anyone here….even a normal man ll get provoked if challanged………so i wud say it all depends on how u deal with it……

    anyways revelutionary post dude………..keep writin……

  6. Well i’ll say that it was a BAD experience that i won’t like to have and i won’t have behaved in such a way to any of my juniors! Its one of the few things that should never happen to a student in a college, but of all the things this is what happens the most!

    I’d say that lets not give more publicity to this event and draw the attention of the SENIORS to this BLOG 🙂

  7. hari,
    this is an exceptionally good post except for the few pts i found quite unwanted here…

    “I’m writing this for myself, not for you, dear reader. So if you’ve come here for a quick flip; better leave. This is goanna be long (and even boring, for that matter). If you’re interested, read on. It won’t be a bad read, after all!”

    u know, i dont know wether u added this disclaimer for “humility-sake”…hehe, bcz i found this post really thrilling…all ur emotions conveyed with so much expertise thru “elegant” language…it was a lot interesting. but i felt sorry to hear that those dumb guys brought tears to your eyes. next time dont stand there crying like a baby-boy..ok?, though i myself see you as a small-kid.

    and one more point…not stressing bcz i m a “lady”.

    “….but there I stood weeping like a girl,desperately controlling my sobs!”

    PS: wen i meet you in college, i dont know wat to spk to you suddenly…i only remember the post where u got kissed…hehe. since no words come, i fold my hands to acknowledge ur presence and NOT out to worship or thinkin u r a god…hehe.dont misunderstand again…?

  8. @ Sandeep:
    True. I admit that it’s my mistake. Never had many experiences with inebriated people before. That could be the reason, perhaps. 😀

    @ spartan:
    * The fit of ire saw me retort back with vigor,”

    I agree with you about the bad experiences thing. But about the stabilization of behaviour thing: My emotional outburst wasn’t anything preplanned! It was instinctive! I did my best not to cry, but… 🙁

    I understand that the entire problem was caused by my foolishness and false-bravado. Had I kept my cool, I’d not have faced problems of such magnitude…

    About Royal Mexx:
    Read my reply to cool romeo! 😀

    *”..considerin ur dialoges in the beginnin….anyone else wud ve thrashed u black and blue..”
    Dude, it might look pretty offensive in writing, but I guess you know me better! Have you EVER seen me behave like that to anyone, let alone a senior?? I wasn’t offensive at all, I was speaking in a friendly tone, I didn’t mean to chorify him or anything!

    Anyway, Thanks a bunch for the detailed analysis!! Comments like this are the driving force behind my blog! 😛

    @ Abhi:
    Thanks, chetta. It was your words that actually calmed me back to normal yesterday. Thanks a lot for the empathies… You rock, bro! 🙂

    About the publicising thing; well, I haven’t caused any damage to the said persons with this post, have I? 🙂

    @ Miss small wonder:
    Hey chechi… I wasn’t bluffing or anything. Normally, it takes me about one-to-two hours to churn out a post. After all the proof-reading, image-editing et al. I typed out all four pages of this post in a record half an hour, and posted it without edits! That’s why I mentioned it’s not as good.

    Besides, it was more of a stress-buster. 🙂

    *PS: wen i meet you in college, i dont know wat to spk to you suddenly… i fold my hands to acknowledge ur presence
    Aw, c’mon! I was just joking that day… I’m honoured, actually..

    Thanks a lot to all who drowned my sorrows amid your comments! 😛

  9. i didn mean u wer offensive da……u got it wrong there……….i ve told it clearly i guess…..u tried to b urself wid persons who wer intoxicated….hope u read this……”.so its neither wid ur pride tat u deal these kind of persons….nor wid MEMORIES OF UR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS…..but shear tactics…….keep ur cool… ur mouth and put a smile…”i jus meant dont b urself…jus DEAL wid them wid tactics……

  10. @ Spartan:
    Yea. I got your point! 😀 I’ll sure be careful the next time. Anubhavichu mathiyaaye… And yeah, I heard about that incident in the canteen too… 🙂

    @ Sreehari:
    Thanks, chetta! 🙂

  11. went through some of your posts..the blog space seems to be populated and polluted by you loyolites..;)

    just messing..

    keep the good work coming..:):)))

  12. @scorpiogenius:
    Thanks for the appreciation. 😀
    It’s more an ‘existentialist-angst’ for a Loyolite (or a senior Loyolite, for that matter), to own a blog, in this digital age… 🙂

  13. Very engrossing read and very well written too! I agree, that blog is a great stress buster. Hope you are feeling better now! 🙂

  14. @ silverine
    OMG!! 😮

    I’m TRULY honoured by thy gesture, O, mother-of-blogs! Thanks for the comment… No exaggeration, but you just lifted up my feeble spirit with that quick comment. Seriously! This is the BEST accolade I could ever get!

    Btw, I’ve been a fan of yours for ages. 😀

  15. @ Silverine:
    A long-postponed-reply…
    But your comment did spur me up! 😀

    And yea, I’m writing with a vengeance! 🙂

  16. couldnt believe you cried .. all the time we worked together i never had the impression you could go to that extreme… having said that , we all have nasty experiences in college……… makes you nasty for two hours or in rare cases more and after that were all friends as usual… and BTW ROYAL MEXX rocks …. anyday

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