Bad Hair day!

I’ve always been fascinated by hairs. The fact that this sort-of-body-part is an anagram of my first name isn’t exactly the reason for my predilection, though. Overexposure to shampoo ads fitted into ad-slots of “Om Namah Shivay” and “Jai Hanuman” (Ah. Good old DD days…) could’ve played a strong role in making a hair-fanatic out of me. I used to stare at people with perfect tresses without batting an eyelid. To be frank, smooth, shiny hair still turns me on. In fact, my first crush was selected solely on the basis of her sunsilk-model-ish hair. It’s a totally different issue that by my current benchmarks, she’s way below in the food-chain! 😉

Well, but that doesn’t entirely sum up my penchant. The prime reason for my adulation for hairs is, brace yourself, my hair itself!

For me, every day is bad hair day. My hair is SO thick and curly that without a generous dose of hair oil/water/styling gel, it would hardly budge. And even if I manage to displace it somehow from its messy position, my comb would end up having more hair than what would be left in my head. Being a believer of the fight club philosophy (Self-improvement is masturbation!), I don’t give another thought to my hair, these days. That means, by the end of each day, I’d look like His Holiness Sai baba himself. The irreparability of my hair left me with no option other than to enjoy the beauty of others’ hair(s).

As a child, I didn’t give a damn about hair styles and crap. I’d somehow rush to keep my hair in place after a heavy dose of oil and forget about it. I thought my hair was as normal as any mallu for a long time. By the time I reached seventh grade, I realized that something was amiss. First, I noticed that my hair wasn’t exactly black. It was more a shade of brown. Now, that’s the play of hormones, ‘cause I had ‘golden’ hair in my arms too, back then. Guess brown & goled hair came as a package with my golden eyes which made me a subject of ridicule, with people almost calling me a freak!( I still have golden hair in the back of my arm and to those who notice it, I’d joke about how it’d make me a rich guy when I sell all my tufts of golden hair!) It took me some more time to realize that my hair wasn’t straight like the Head n’ Shoulders guy, but was wavy and curly. Weighed by inquisitiveness, I picked a strand of hair from my scalp and examined, in the light of Thomas Kutty sir’s (Biology teacher at Loyola) lessons, only to perceive that it was unusually thick. I was Jack’s broken heart.

In a bid to look good (and attract female company) as I ventured into tuition classes, I’d use every trick in the book to be on top of couture and coiffure. Countless combs were sacrificed in attempts to make my hair resemble Tom Cruise’s (The MI2 look) or SRK’s (The DDLJ look). only to cause much heartburn. With age, I took my crap-hair in the stride and learned to live with it. Before a dress rehearsal of the School Day drama, my buddy Paatta (real name’s Nitin ; Now,don’t ask me about the nick!!) suggested to comb my hair backward. It looked pretty good. Good enough that it still remains my preferred hairstyle. I don’t know if Paatta remembers this, but I’ll remain eternally thankful to the dude, who used to be a style-icon himself (I guess he still is, but he was sporting a huge beard when I saw him last!), for making me look decent ever since.

Curly hair was the least of my problems. There was another issue that bogged me down, well, literally. White dusty dandruff! At any given time, my hair’s a dandruff factory. Once, out of boredom, I combed my entire hair only to unearth a handful of white oily dandruff-scum! 😐 I have a pic of it, but it’s too gross to upload. Period. I’ve tried all shampoos in the market, but to no avail. Like the curls, I’ve learned to live with it. And that’s not all! There was the receding hairline which super ceded all other problems! My dad’s almost bald now. So is every male member in his age group in the family. I have a couple of cousins who went fully bald at a ‘tender’ age of 35. I should’ve foreseen it, but complacent sh1t that I am; it took a taunt from a classmate to jolt me back to the reality of my impending baldness. But unlike many others, the tufts of hair in my scalp are pretty thick and might remain steady for a couple of decades or so, hopefully.

Yesterday, dad ceremoniously announced that it was time for haircut. Fight Club philosophy guides me not to give a damn about my hair, so it takes a taunt or two from dad/mom to drive to the friendly neighborhood barber. Having been busy, I didn’t pay much heed to parents’ words for the past couple of weeks. But yesterday was a Sunday, and I had no other go, but to shed my locks of curly hair. The other day, a female friend was suggesting me to straighten my hair, but that’d make it look like a dilapidated broom, I’d retorted. So as I walked to the barber’s, I wondered whether it’s time for a change in appearance. A change would always be good, right? Like Godsend, I had a brainwave. The first reaction to my quick- idea was apprehension. Would the soon-to-be-makeover make me look good? Every dilemma has a way out, and I tossed a coin. The odds were 2-1 in my favour. I smiled.

As I walked out of the barber shop, rubbing my tonsured head, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. As I’d expected, Mom was hysterical at the sight of my bald head. Dad part-laughed and part-scolded. I was content. No dandruff plus a ‘cool’ head. Besides, I’d resemble Aamir when the Hindi Ghajini hits theatres. Another bald blogger in the block! Whee!!

Comments (I know you’re goanna rip me apart!) are welcome! 🙂

Before:

After:

Kenney… You have company!

Self-Promotion bit:

I participated in another televised debate. The program’s name is നിയന്ത്രണരേഖ|Niyantranarekha (Line of Control), in the Malayalam news channel Manorama News. Though the topic deviated from “Strikes and Kerala” due to some politicization by some of the panel members, thanks to the efforts of the unbiased and talented host Mr Pramod it turned out to be a good experience. I got an opportunity to wield the mic, finally, and ended up summing up the debate. Here’s the video:

And guess what, those two guys were here this time too!! 😐